How to be a star when you see your Ex for the first time
It can be such an awkward thing meeting your ex-partner for the first time by accident. Too often it’s when we pop into the coffee shop all sweaty after a jog, or when we are grabbing some milk from the service station in our pyjamas. At that moment, your heart beats fast, your face flushes, your mouth turns to glue and you wish – like magic – you could simply vanish into thin air.
As he comes closer, myriad thoughts of how to act are running through your head… quick! What to do? Take a different direction… too late, he has seen you, now act like you hardly recognise him - not possible. The only winning position here is to look and be fabulous so he will be in shock long after. That might sound like a fairy-tale… but let’s see how we can make it reality.
This article is more for those ladies who were not the initiator of the breakup. The others sure won’t care how they look and what they are wearing, in some cases it might be ‘the worse the better’ as they work to get rid of their ex!
So, let’s look at what is important so as not to be stuck in this unwanted position.
I understand that straight after a breakup you may feel so hurt that all that matters is how to get through each day. But after a short while it’s normal to start imagining a ‘revenge plan’ in your beautiful head. Hold on – you’re not a cruel person, so let’s think rationally. The best revenge is to overcome this breakup with the greatest outcome for you.
When you have enough energy to think about your revenge, use that power to create the ‘meeting the ex’ movie in your head. Start to think about how you want this situation to unfold, how you want to look, how you will behave and how the conversation will go.
Let’s say you choose to be a superstar; indifferent, collected, articulate and in control of the situation, a successful confident woman who doesn’t even remember his name.
As wonderful as this sounds, it won’t just happen on its own. You have to become her. How? It will take time. But that’s what you wanted. A better you. Expend your energy on becoming the person you want to be, instead of languishing in tears and making unrealistic plans for revenge.
The first step is to decide, what kind of woman do you want him to see? Time to make a plan. Visualise the future woman you will become. How does she look, behave, smile, what are her interests, what is she saying? Create a strong and vivid image in your head.
Secondly, make a list of what you need to do to become that woman. Read a couple of interesting books? Attend a seminar, work with a mentor? Take up skydiving? Get active? Plan outings in a particular place? And so on.
Thirdly, start to ‘fake it until you make it’. Try to observe yourself from the outside. Imagine that you have been cast as the leading lady in a movie role, and you are going to win an Oscar. What would this star choose for dinner, how would she spend her free time, what would she wear? Start with the little things and soon you will become this new version of yourself more and more. Of course I’m not saying to change yourself if you don’t want to, but here is an opportunity to work on yourself, in order to become who you want to be.
Once you become more accustomed to this game, start to challenge yourself. Try to imagine different situations in life and how you would handle them now, situations like running into your ex for the first time. How would you – as that movie star and leading lady – respond?
Would she go red and start shaking, would she run and hide? Or would she present as empowered and confident? Not caring what she’s wearing or feeling good about it anyway… knowing her self-worth in the world, understanding that despite what she thought at the time, he was not ‘The One’ and being OK with that?
If it’s not a movie star that you picture in your head, no matter, just keep a similar scenario strong in your mind. When you finally meet him, or take that first phone call from him, the outcome will be vastly improved because you have visualised it so many times.
This process of concentrating on your self-growth will help you to not only feel more confident in yourself and move on from the breakup much quicker, but will also free you from those pesky, self-obsessing questions: why did I say this, why didn’t I say that, why didn’t I look at him differently? And maybe when he finally shows up at the same party as you, your heart will beat fast and you might feel close to fainting… but on the outside, you’ll smile and wave with elegant composure.
With the steps I’ve outlined, you will make it happen - I have done it. It takes time and energy, but once you have it, it is unreal feeling… just as if you were going for an Oscar, that prize you have worked so hard for. It is not about him. It is your time to shine. A good friend and I use this technique and when in such situations we say to each other; ‘Go babe, it is your time to get an Oscar’. Smile and wave… you are a superstar.